I thought I’d share an amusing little anecdote from my otherwise pathetic and uninteresting life.
You ever get other people’s mail? I do, a lot, an awful lot to be exact. Now, most of the time, I get other people’s advertisements for “Kia’s new car bailout program” and “Domino’s deep dish stimulus package.” I get a lot of other people’s junk mail. I don’t mind, I can file this with my own junk mail, in the trash.
On a side note, does anyone else get a kick out of Toyota lauding their environmental responsibility by sending out 44 million tons of glossy card stock fliers telling me how much they care about the planet?
Now, in a departure from the usual junk mail, I recently received someone else’s social security statement. Now I, being the honest guy I am, decided to write, “Wrong Address, this person does not live here, return to sender” on the letter, put it back into my mailbox, and go about my business.
Well, the next day, this letter is still in my box, but I see that this letter must have gotten lonely and called a friend, another social security statement for someone else who doesn’t live here. So, I give this new letter the “This person doesn’t live here either fuckwit” treatment, and go on my merry little way.
The next day, I see that my two letters have attracted another friend. I’m trying to decide if I have discovered a cure for deforestation and the energy crisis, (because I have letters who reproduce in captivity and I can start a letter farm,) or if my mailman is giving me other people’s mail on purpose. I suddenly see the error in my ways, I forgot to put the little flag up, of course, it was that simple.
The next day, I find that my flag is down, and my three letters have attracted two more pieces of mail that do not belong to me. I now have, five letters in my mailbox that don’t belong there. Now, a different kind of guy would have given up, took the mail inside, and thrown it away. That guy isn’t The Drake. I decided to be obstinate, I write return to sender on all five, circle the wrong address on the letters, and put my flag back up.
The next day, I find my flag is still up, all five of the original letters are still there, and my mail box is now overflowing with brochures, catalogs, and postcards, that don’t belong to me.
Now, I’m getting trolled, and it’s obvious, but being The Drake, I drive down the street, and put them all into the big blue mailbox for outgoing mail. In an amazing show of intelligence, reminiscent of “Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey” these wayward letters stuck together, demonstrated valor and teamwork, and all returned to me within three days.
I now get a mailbox full of other people’s mail, every day. I have an amazing sense of humor, and I find this very funny. It’s like everyday is Christmas, except instead of Santa, it’s the mailman, and instead of presents, it’s other people’s mail. So if someone owes you money, and they tell you that the check is in the mail, chances are they aren’t lying, it’s probably in my mailbox, along with that apology letter you’re sure that your ex sent saying how stupid it was to break up with you and that she wants to get back together, the birthday card your mom says she sent you, (the one with money hidden inside,) and your invitation to your friend’s wedding that his new wife, the one who doesn’t like you, says that she totally sent.
