NOTE: This article was originally written by SuperPope.
I’m not gonna bitch about it being a corporate holiday, I’m not gonna whine about how it’s just another way for businesses to make money, I’m not gonna moan about how it’s a damn stupid excuse for a holiday. Wait, scratch that last one, yes I am.
Other than being completely about money, Valentines is a completely useless holiday because all it does is give lame ass guys an excuse to act like romantic dumbasses. 364 days out of the year, these guys don’t give a shit about being romantic. Then, one day out of the entire year, suddenly they act like they’re the most romantic guys in the world.
If you have to wait for a certain day to be romantic, you’re not romantic, you’re just a failure. Giving in to the pressure that girls give out for Valentines Day is a complete failure at being a man.
This Valentines, you know what I did? I didn’t buy a gift for any girl. I just sat back and received the gifts that they got me, mainly in the form of sex. Except for one girl, all she got me was a blowjob, but I came in her hair so it’s all good.
Any guy that bothers to celebrate Valentines Day is a complete pushover. Buying chocolates is acceptable, maybe even flowers, but only because it completely warms the chick up for you. You whip out a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers and you might as well have just whipped out a 10 inch dick because for the rest of the night the girl will regard you as if you’re Peter North.
But anything beyond that is just a failure at being a man. You’ve traded your dignity in exchange for a girl thinking you’re romantic, while everyone else thinks you’re a complete douchebag. My advice for you is to go home, sit down, and contemplate what you’re doing with your life, and then once you’ve contemplated all that and realized that what you’re doing is failing, go kill yourself ironically like every other “hopeless romantic” out there.
