Howdy, Muggheads! Your old pal Frosty Mugg had a problem the other night. No, not a drinking problem! I had plenty to drink! My problem was that the bar I was drinking at seemed to think it was a goddamn concert!
I love bars. I love beer. I love music too! But you know what I DON’T love? When bars blast the music so damn loud that I can’t hear anything!
How am I supposed to talk to anyone when I can’t hear anyone? I can’t even hear myself think while I drink! And boy does that stink!
One time I went to a bar here in Philly and decided to order myself a mug of the good stuff. Now, everyone who’s anyone in Philadelphia knows what the good stuff is. It’s Yuengling! The finest beer ever brewed in the fine state of Pennsylvania! Or anywhere else for that matter!
Actually, all beer is good beer. Except non-alcoholic beer. What’s the point of drinking THAT?!
Anyway, the music was so goddamn loud that I couldn’t even hear the bartender when he asked what I wanted. I shouted my order at him.
“GIMME A MUG OF THE GOOD STUFF!”
“What?!”
“THE GOOD STUFF!”
“WHAT?!”
I repeated myself a couple more times before he finally nodded and went to get my beer. A few minutes later, he came back and handed me a Heineken.
A FUCKING HEINEKEN!
Now don’t get me wrong, Heineken is good beer! Like I said before, ALL beer is good beer! But Heineken isn’t the GOOD STUFF! Yuengling is the good stuff! I asked for the good stuff, not Heineken!
I think the bartender couldn’t hear me over the loud music and somehow misheard “good stuff” as “Heineken”. I don’t know how he managed that, but he did! I was going to complain, but then I realized I’d have to shout over the music again, and I didn’t want to do that.
So I drank the Heineken instead. After all, wasting alcohol is alcohol abuse, and alcohol abuse is BAD! Your pal Frosty would NEVER abuse alcohol!
But I should’ve been drinking Yuengling! And I would’ve been, if the music wasn’t so GODDAMN LOUD!!
I thought I was at a bar, not a concert! Sometimes bars have concerts, and that’s fine. Concerts are supposed to be loud! But unless there’s a tiny little cover band playing inside the TouchTunes machine, there was no reason for the music to be that loud!
And I KNOW there wasn’t a little band in there because I’ve broken those machines open before! There’s just computer parts in them. Very sharp computer parts.
Anyway, TURN THE DAMN MUSIC DOWN!
